Mental Anguish

In the biography of pioneer missionary James Gribble titled Undaunted Hope, he is recorded having written a letter to a young missionary candidate the following words:

It is just as you steadily and steadfastly hold fast to Him and do not waver, that you will be fully approved by Him who has enrolled you, for, as Abraham of old, every missionary and Christian worker finds a great testing. This was the case of our Lord also, for just as soon as He was baptized and announced to the world, He was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. So, doubtless, if you have really been called of the Lord, your time is coming—either while yet in America or after you reach the mission field. But God is faithful, and we wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with His adversary.1

I have found it fascinating how so many of the “greats” in Christian ministry have always been sent through times of great testing and significant waiting. Just as Gribble pointed out, even our Lord was sent through just such a time before entering ministry – and to think he did not enter into ministry till he was about 30 years old and his ministry only lasted for roughly 3 years – the greatest missionary of all history! God’s ways are truly mysterious, but looking back we can clearly see the effectiveness of their ministries far outlast their earthly pursuits, abilities, and even time allotted.

Which as you might imagine, brings me to think of my situation. I first began the trek towards ministry when I was just 13. Here I am, 29, a seminary graduate with a deep desire toward missions, and I am driving semi-trucks. One might say (including me) what a waste of training and time. But thanks to the wisdom and exposition of words like Gribble’s above, encouragement comes.

Sure I may not be enduring significant physical suffering (though sometimes the heat in the truck can be unbearable), in many ways I do feel a sense of a mental suffering. But it is my conviction that the many disappointments endured in these last 16 years does have benefit. Exactly what I do not know. What I do know is the mission work I am looking toward will be difficult. Fruit is not quickly seen, if ever seen at all. I do not want to candy coat what I am dealing with. It is difficult, and the word “anguish” is very fitting.

But more than that, I see another lesson God is working on with me. One that began especially while in Ireland. While not an extrovert, I do need people around, as one friend once insightfully described me a “closet extrovert.” But in my need for the fellowship of others, do I find fellowship with God just as sweet and important? Am I truly depending on God to fill my cup or am I always looking to others? This is not an easy lesson, but a valuable one I hope to learn in the deepest of ways. Christ is sufficient.

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1 Gribble, M.D., Florence Newberry. Undaunted Hope: The Life of James Gribble. Winona Lake, IN, BMH: 1984.