Life Goes On

 

It’s hard to believe it was just a year ago that I was in Ireland, getting near unto the end of my internship there. It’s hard to believe both in the sense it was only a year ago and yet in other ways it feels like much longer than a year. But something else of great significance in my life is about to happen, one that also causes some reflecting. Here is a hint; I am about to finish my third decade on this planet. To some that is not a big deal, to those of younger generations I am turning into an “old fogey".” To me, the number would not mean much if I was not prone to enter into comparisons, but that is just what I am doing, wrong as it may be. Then again, maybe it is not inherently wrong, if we use the comparisons for good purposes. I look at where I am in life, what I have accomplished, what goals I have achieved and what goals I have not achieved, and compare them to others who are also of the same age. I realize that we all take different paths in life and there are many factors that determine what happens to us, some our own choosing and some outside our control, but the comparisons still help us take stock of where we are and where we are going.

Do I have disappointments? Sure. Do I feel like I have missed out on a lot of life? Absolutely. Right now I feel as though my life is meaninglessly flying by me like the little white dash lines on the highway. When I consider the one life I should be comparing mine to, it is hard to feel like I have accomplished anything at all. But this man’s accomplishments far outweigh any accomplishments any of us could ever achieve. After all, his greatest accomplishment quite literally changed the course of world history and the relationship between God and man. But let’s be honest, this man had a one-up on us – he is also God. So what can I measure up to?

I could look to the question of what I have done to affect my little corner of world history. But then I am reminded of what a high school classmate of mine remarked when we were talking about death. The one thing that bothered her most about death is that “life just goes on.” Eventually anything we do will be forgotten. Eventually we will be forgotten. Sure a handful of people will have their names go down in history for significant events, but most of us will eventually be forgotten, even by family descendants (do you know anything about your family going back even just four or five generations?).

So maybe that is not the standard by which I should be judging the value of my life. Maybe instead I should look to more eternally significant matters, like, has my life caused other people’s lives to change in terms of their eternal condition. Have I planted seeds of the gospel or better yet, seen fruit? I wish I had answers to that question. But as I consider the factors involved, I realize that anything of eternal value that I accomplish in life is not really a result of what I do, but how God uses what I do.

So that leaves me with only one thing to consider as I take stock of my life. Will I hear, when I approach the throne, the words “well done good and faithful son”? If what little I have done in life gains the approval of my Lord, then I have nothing to regret or despair over.

Live for Him. Nothing else really matters.

Mental Anguish

In the biography of pioneer missionary James Gribble titled Undaunted Hope, he is recorded having written a letter to a young missionary candidate the following words:

It is just as you steadily and steadfastly hold fast to Him and do not waver, that you will be fully approved by Him who has enrolled you, for, as Abraham of old, every missionary and Christian worker finds a great testing. This was the case of our Lord also, for just as soon as He was baptized and announced to the world, He was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. So, doubtless, if you have really been called of the Lord, your time is coming—either while yet in America or after you reach the mission field. But God is faithful, and we wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with His adversary.1

I have found it fascinating how so many of the “greats” in Christian ministry have always been sent through times of great testing and significant waiting. Just as Gribble pointed out, even our Lord was sent through just such a time before entering ministry – and to think he did not enter into ministry till he was about 30 years old and his ministry only lasted for roughly 3 years – the greatest missionary of all history! God’s ways are truly mysterious, but looking back we can clearly see the effectiveness of their ministries far outlast their earthly pursuits, abilities, and even time allotted.

Which as you might imagine, brings me to think of my situation. I first began the trek towards ministry when I was just 13. Here I am, 29, a seminary graduate with a deep desire toward missions, and I am driving semi-trucks. One might say (including me) what a waste of training and time. But thanks to the wisdom and exposition of words like Gribble’s above, encouragement comes.

Sure I may not be enduring significant physical suffering (though sometimes the heat in the truck can be unbearable), in many ways I do feel a sense of a mental suffering. But it is my conviction that the many disappointments endured in these last 16 years does have benefit. Exactly what I do not know. What I do know is the mission work I am looking toward will be difficult. Fruit is not quickly seen, if ever seen at all. I do not want to candy coat what I am dealing with. It is difficult, and the word “anguish” is very fitting.

But more than that, I see another lesson God is working on with me. One that began especially while in Ireland. While not an extrovert, I do need people around, as one friend once insightfully described me a “closet extrovert.” But in my need for the fellowship of others, do I find fellowship with God just as sweet and important? Am I truly depending on God to fill my cup or am I always looking to others? This is not an easy lesson, but a valuable one I hope to learn in the deepest of ways. Christ is sufficient.

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1 Gribble, M.D., Florence Newberry. Undaunted Hope: The Life of James Gribble. Winona Lake, IN, BMH: 1984.